This is a post in the weekly Autism Hopes series by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez, a mom who blogs over at Atypical Familia.
With Mother’s Day approaching and Father’s Day next month, I am reminded of something my friend, Jessica, posted on Facebook. Jessica was having one of those up-and-down days only a special needs parent can understand. The mom of three kids, Jessica’s 9 year-old son has autism.
As I direct my son to pick up his chewed up and spit out pretzels from around the house for the umpteenth time today and have my sleeve tugged on yet again before I prompt him to tap and say excuse me, and hold him tightly to get him to stop hitting his own head, and then bathe in the sweetness of his beautiful smile when he tries to climb his 9 year old sized body into my arms, I do believe there needs to be a mother’s day specifically for moms of kids of special needs. Yes…parenting all kids is challenging. But sorry folks, on a day to day kind of level, it’s just not the same thing.
I don’t like to play the “hardship olympics.” But when I think about all the ways parenting a child with special needs is different…it makes my head spin. At the same time, I am still a mother and I’m celebrated on Mother’s Day.
I reached out to other special needs moms for their thoughts on whether or not special needs parents deserve their own day. Here’s what they had to say:
…Sometimes you feel like no one in your life acknowledges how much extra effort you have to put into everything, how much has been handed to you that you’re not able to do, and all the additional worries you have about your child’s future. It would be nice to have a day set aside to acknowledge that just once. [But] I don’t want my kids to feel that their differences are a reason we should be singled out as a family, whether it’s them or me. I am still trying to learn how to walk the fine line of celebrating what makes us unique and not focusing too much on what makes us different. — Jessica, Don’t Mind the Mess
I have mixed feelings on this. I do think we deserve props for all that we do as special needs parents–and we do a LOT. And then some! But I hesitate because there are times when I feel a gap between me and parents of typically-developing kids, and I’m not sure I’d like to further distinguish ourselves. One thing’s for sure: Our families should totally kiss up to us on Mother’s Day–and Father’s Day too! — Ellen, Love That Max
Being a mother to children with and without special needs, I definitely believe we deserve a day of our own. As a special needs parent you are faced with so many obstacles. A simple trip to the local park requires special planning and strategizing. A special needs parent has very little ”me” time. I think it would be great if there were a day to celebrate our hard work and accomplishments. — Lizette, Diary of a Loving Mom
I do not think it is necessary. We already have a general mother’s and father’s day. Let us continue to celebrate [special needs parents] in our own unique ways. There is really no need to have separate days. Right now my son can’t tell me I love you or Happy Mother’s Day, so I have to think outside the box on Mother’s day and remember that he loves me regardless. – Kpana, Sailing Autistic Seas
Whether or not you agree, this Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day), be extra nice to the special needs parent in your life. April was Autism Acceptance month – a time to raise awareness and acceptance for individuals with autism. Special needs parents need acceptance too. Just like we celebrate our kids for all that they do, sometimes special needs parents require the same recognition from their family and friends.
From my other blog:
- We Live in a Diverse World. We Need Diverse Books.
- Why Autism Awareness Month Still Matters
- Confessions from the Fitting Room
Tell mom you love her this Mother’s Day with an “I Love You” bookmark.
